PYTHAGORAS. Nietzsche. Einstein. Shakespeare. Great thinkers of our history. Just imagine where humanity would be if they had all been forced to watch Made In Chelsea. Thirty minutes with the feckless simpletons of that dopecast is enough to turn anyone's grey matter into useless gloop. Tune-in and you can actually feel your intelligence melting away as you watch it. It's your brain punishing you.
What if Edison had the Ting Tings megaphoned down his aural canal? What if Pasteur got handcuffed to a hi-fi that was playing Lady Gaga on infinite repeat? What if Brunel were haunted by jarring nightmares of Justin Drew Bieber every time he slept?
Civilisation as we know it would be nothing but a faraway fantasy that we sometimes imagined while trying to make fire from sticks without killing each other. That sound like a fun world to you, does it?
Happily it's not hard to find audio-visual alternatives that don't make you feel like you're devolving into a useless husk of human flesh-waste. Step forward Scott Xander Linn And The Broken Bottles, who have just released their second music video in as many months.
It promotes the second track from the recent (and rather good) Bad Things EP and is called Her Best Dress: an Americana-tinged perky-pop folk-flounce about admiring a girl looking all beautiful and ravishing in her best dress and then getting to see her without it on.
Disappointingly for meathead masculine types getting all hot under the collar, the video's visuals are not commensurate with the lyrical content. Still, it's well-worth the 181 seconds it will take you to watch it. There's lots of smiles and live footage and pool-playing and rum-quaffing and it will make you realise that Linn and his backing band are actually really quite good at this Americana-rock thing. Good on them.
You should also visit www.onemanboycott.com to keep up with local lad Joe Brewer's series of wonderfully shot acoustic performances. There's an intimacy captured in these one-song soirees that is highly endearing. That is until your eyes become pinned to Brewer's fleet-fingered guitar work and you wonder why you ever stopped playing and start hating yourself. But hey, it's fun for a few minutes. Especially if you fancy a splash of punk-rock thrashed out solo-acoustic style. So what are you waiting for? Hop to it. It beats sifting through the dreck clogging up mainstream television and radio schedules. And who knows? The brain capacity you save could be the beginning of your legacy. You might just save civilisation from a self-induced intellectual extinction, made in Chelsea.
Finally, keep next Saturday, December 21 evening blocked out in your diary. Live music is (finally) coming back to Inn On The Square!
CONTACT: Share your local music news before I hit the demo button on the keyboard. jharper@northdevonjournal. co.uk or @testforpulse.