ON balance I think I'd rather take a bath with a toaster than go to a birthday bash for one-year-old twins – even if their parents had spent £70,000 on the event.
This was the eye-watering amount that one fat-cat London couple spent on their toddlers' party.
Even though the phrase "more money than sense" springs to mind, as far as I'm concerned people can spend their own cash on whatever they like.
The fact that I and most sensible people think it a colossal waste of money – at the age of one the twins will have forgotten it all by next year – shouldn't worry them a jot.
I hardly know how it's possible to spend so much on a children's party but I read that the Alice in Wonderland and Peter Pan-themed event was held in a marquee and the bill included entertainers, lavish decoration, a buffet and a beautiful tiered cake.
There were flowerbeds full of windmills, model flamingos and forests of polka dot toadstools.
But no matter how much they spent, I'm sure there were still tantrums, fights and vomiting in the jelly and custard – and that's just the parents.
The party planner, who has Simon Cowell and Elton John among his clients, said it was not unusual for parents to spend this amount and he organised similar parties every month.
Not unusual in London, maybe, but I hope North Devon people are more sensible and wouldn't throw such a lavish party for one-year-olds, even if they could afford it.
When I think back to my primary school years, I remember playing musical chairs, pin the tail on the donkey and pass the parcel (with a prize no more extravagant than a little plastic toy).
I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere and went to the village school where our pleasures were simple – putting teachers in wicker men and burning them alive, running around forests with stags' antlers on our head and sacrificing children to the goddess of the moon. The usual innocent pagan rituals.
I'm joking, of course, before any of you phone the police cold case unit.
We took a cheap present each to the birthday boy or girl and came home afterwards, happy and empty-handed – not a goody bag in sight.
Although all my friends had parties carefully organised by their mums (men didn't get involved in those days), it was a bit different when they came to my house.
I don't think my mother could be bothered with all those party game shenanigans and would send us out to play on the farm. My birthday is in June so, as far as I remember, the weather was usually balmy and we roamed for miles until our rumbling tums called us home.
My mother might not have been too hot on the party games, but she always made a mighty fine birthday tea.
On the rare occasions that it was too wet to play outside, we dashed to the barn and built "houses" out of bales or jumped over them in pretend horse races.
It's all a bit more elaborate these days with sleepovers, magicians, swimming-pool parties or trips to Macdonald's – all ending with at obligatory goody bag full of toys and sweets.
Even so I expect the cost doesn't even reach the dizzy heights of £700, let alone £70,000.
I think my mother had the right idea.